College years are testing times for friendships. Especially those with whom you call your “best friends”. These are the people who’ve spent almost every day with and, when you weren’t together, you were probably on the phone, Twitter/Facebook chatting them, or commenting on their pictures. These are the friendships that outlasted every boyfriend/girlfriend, trial & tribulation, and even your awkward stages in life. Then that moment hits, someone decided to go away for college!
How do you sustain a friendship when your bestie is 300 miles away?! This is a very difficult situation because people change in college, but not your best friend right? WRONG! Everyone changes so what do you do when your best friend is no longer predictable? McCornack (2009) notes that “one of the most intense challenges friends face comes with geographic separation” and “geographic separation is the most frequently cited reason for deterioration of friendships” (p. 392). He continues to explain the financial burdens of maintaining a long-distance friendship. It’s extremely expensive to travel these days and as college students we often can barely afford lunch so filling up a gas tank is rarely an option. Not only that, but once you do reunite, there is often differences in hobbies, interests, and preferences in discussion topics. Like I said before, people change. We get new priorities and obligations so those tend to take precedence over initial plans to visit each other. I know I often get so wrapped up and busy with my JMU life that months could pass before I go home to visit.
I’ve been friends with my best friends since middle school (some since early high school). We were inseparable! Going away to college was a definite for me but difficult because of course I didn’t want to leave them. I actually thought about transferring because I had an extremely difficult time adjusting my first semester at JMU (I’m so glad I didn’t though). The besties consist of Jennelyn, Shawana, & Lisa (stayed home at ODU), Latrice (went to Campbell in NC), Irving (NSU), Chelsea (Japan via the Navy) and I (4 hours away from home, 6 hours away from Campbell, and let’s not talk about Japan ). In the beginning it wasn’t that bad, Latrice and I went home frequently or we took mini road trips to meet somewhere in the middle. Skype/Oovoo blessings and social networks made it a little easier for us to see what was going on in each other’s lives. After a while, we all became involved in different activities so things changed a bit. It went from meeting up at least 2-3 times a month to months without seeing each other. Sometimes even phone calls and text messages came far in between. We all started working so it was difficult to get off. Through it all though we still remain best friends and I believe that the distance made us stronger. McCornack (2009) finds that “friends who overcome separation also accept change as a natural part of life and their relationship” (p.392). I definitely believe that this is why my friendships have lasted so long. I love the people they have become and appreciate them for who they are and I know the feel the same. We acknowledge that we had to grow apart to grow together. We work through our friendship by making sacrifices, Skyping, road trips, but also knowing that it’s not the time apart but the moments we’re together that really matter. I will forever cherish those moments.
What is your solution for maintaining a long –distance friendship? Have you ever had a particularly difficult time managing the distance or changes and if so how did you all get through the rough patch?
