Getting
to Know You: A Look into the Uncertainty Reduction Theory
Do you
have a group of family friends who you don’t really know? I’m a little bit of a
mystery to a certain group of my parents’ friends. Growing up, I never attended
many of their gatherings, leading to members of the group knowing everyone in
my family rather well, but not me. This is because when I was younger I would
opt out of going to many of the parties my parents went to with this group of
friends since I was very shy. The
times I did go to these gatherings I wouldn’t talk much because the children of
these families were always sectioned off into groups. There were the older boys, who were all four years older
than me and would play sports together and then there were the younger girls,
who were two years younger than me.
Even
though I do not know this group of people well, I attended a graduation party
for Stephanie, one of the “younger girls” of the group, this past Saturday. At the
party, I saw two people using strategies outlined in Uncertainty Reduction
Theory to try and get to know me. Uncertainty Reduction Theory asserts that
when an individual meets someone new, they try to attain as much information
about them as possible to make their future interactions more fluid (McCornack,
2009). The reason for this is when we are uncertain about the person we are
talking to it’s hard to converse openly.
First, Michael
(who is one of the people I grouped with the “older boys”) was one person I
observed using the theory’s strategies. I was talking to my father about the
soccer game that we had watched earlier that day. Michael, who was talking to
my brother next to us, stopped his conversation to hear what I was saying about
the topic. He was using a passive strategy to gain information about me. A passive strategy is a technique of
the Uncertainty Reduction Theory, where individuals watch someone talk with
others to gain information about them and how they interact (McCornack, 2009).
This technique helped Michael find out I was a soccer fan, which is information
he used later that night to strike up a conversation with me.
Another
member of the party, Megan, used an interactive strategy to reduce her
uncertainty about me. Interactive strategies are ways to find out about
individuals by simply talking to them and asking probing questions (McCornack,
2009). Megan was one of the girls I grouped with the “younger girls” and had never
talked to me before. She approached me while I was in conversation with my
brother, John, and simply asked me questions. “Where do you go to school? What
are your hobbies?” I found this approach to be much more effective, as I was
able to connect with Megan in more ways than with Michael. Her ability to ask
questions to find out about me helped her start conversations about things that
I found interesting and let us move from strangers to friends.
Michael
and Megan both used uncertainty reduction strategies to learn about me as a
person. Doing this helped us have more fluid interactions the next day when our
families gathered again at a bridal shower for the graduate Stephanie’s sister,
Danielle. At the bridal shower, I was able to converse with Megan and Michael
openly since we where less uncertain about each other and had common ground to
talk about.
What
strategy do you find most effective in reducing your uncertainty about someone?
Have you
ever had someone use passive strategies to get to know you? If so, how did them
watching you make you feel?
McCornack, S.
(2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal
communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
