They say it’s a feeling that only comes once in a lifetime
and when it hits you, it shakes you to your core. As society portrays it we are all searching
for that one person that will complete us and make us whole. A concept that I used to think was absolutely
absurd. We all have our own ideas,
concepts and beliefs that define what love means to us. They are influenced by our culture, gender
and our own socializations. But one
steadfast truth that stretches beyond cultural confines is that love can be
described as a deep an intense emotion comprised of 3 components: intimacy, caring
and attachment. (McCornack, 2010, p. 322) The degree or level that you hold
these components can then define the type of relationship you and your partner create.
Because we are complex creatures by
nature there are steps we follow to building and maintaining relationships. This is my focus of this post…the “coming
together” aspects of bonding relations.
I have always been the skeptic when it came to the matters
of the heart. I would hear couples
recall their stories of how they met and just want to gag. That was until I got a taste of that love
potion #9 and now it is safe to say I have been bitten by the love bug. Although relationship characteristics vary
among different unions there is one commonality that exists amongst them. How
they come together and in some cases how they fall apart. I refuse to focus on the second part because
I am a girl in love and wish to focus on the more positive. With that said the
first step in establishing a relationship is initiation. My boyfriend and I have attended the same
church our whole lives and so according to the mere exposure effect,
attractiveness is based on the frequency in which you are in contact with
another individual (McCornack, 2010, p.330).
So it should be no surprise that the initiate stage didn’t take long to
progress into the experimenting stage.
He reached out to me first with a Facebook message: “How come there are
no pictures of you and that pretty smile.”
Lame I know but it caught my attention.
Facebook messages quickly turned to texting and phone conversations. We engaged in the “small talk” sharing common
facts about ourselves and realizing that we actually had some of the same
interests. We began hanging out with one
another on a daily basis when our schedules allowed. I couldn’t believe just how quickly and
smoothly we were progressing. It felt so
natural and right. Our relationship
continued on into the next stage of intensifying. Late night chats of what used to be simple
chit chat now turned into true therapy and self disclosure sessions. It also
helped to draw us closer to one another throwing us straight into the fourth
stage of coming together…integration.
After one year it is safe to say that the love we share continues to
grow stronger every day and we truly share a connection that can’t really be
described with any amount of colorful words. It is my hope that we will
continue right into the last stage of “coming together” in relationship
structure known as bonding. Otherwise
known to be the grand finale…Marriage.
Have you ever had a core shaking experience that has left
you weak in the knees? Reflecting back
did you also encounter the same process of coming together as described in this
week’s reading, or did you follow another route to building your relationship?
For all you love skeptics out there reading this, it is true
what they say…LOVE it only comes once in a lifetime and it is a core
shaker. It’s a mood elevator, an esteem booster,
but most of all it’s a self-fulfilling experience that should be appreciated
and not treated lightly.
Reference:
- McCornack,
S. (2010). Reflect & Relate. An
Introduction to Interpersonal Communication, 322-337.
