I’m sure we all could think of many moments where “$%#$&*#&&%^%%$!#&##@$#” would be our dialogue in a comic book. We all have our pet peeves and things that drive us totally insane, but as we mature, we learn that we must deal with these things appropriately. McCornack (2009) describes the Jefferson Strategy as a method for reducing anger during interpersonal encounters. He explains the strategy as follows, “when a person says or does something that makes you angry, you count slowly to 10 before you speak or act. If you are very angry, count slowly to 100; then speak or act” (p. 137). While it seems that counting to 10 would be difficult and pointless to do, it’s actually effective. McCornack (2009) asserts that it “creates a delay between the event that triggered your anger, the accompanying arousal and awareness, and your communication response” (p. 137). He continues to explain that the delay between your internal physical and mental reactions and your outward communication allows your arousal to diminish somewhat. Counting gives you time to internalize and to decrease the intensity of your initial reaction which might be extreme and based totally on emotion.
I’ve had many encounters where I could have used this strategy. It’s actually something I’ve been working on for a while now. I react mostly through facial expressions which can be harsh I admit. I have the most issues with my friends because we are all very blunt with each other. We often just say the first thing that comes to mind which can sometimes be hurtful. We’ve learned to deal with each other but because we’re so comfortable we tend to interact with others the same way which of course doesn’t always go so well. This is especially true when it comes to my parents. My mother always says to me, “I’m not your friend so watch it”. I’m very playful and sarcastic so sometimes it comes out when I’m with her. She doesn’t like it at all so through it all I’ve had to learn how to control my reactions especially when I’m angry.
I work in customer service now so I definitely use this strategy since I’m dealing with numerous angry customers daily. As McCornack (2009) mentions, by counting you give yourself a delay to reduce adrenaline, blood pressure, and heart rate. “Woosah” has been my favorite word since hearing it. After every customer I just woooooooosaaaaaah, take a deep breath, thank God I have a job and proceed to the next. It can be frustrating but counting and taking a quick pause really does help. Otherwise I’d become overwhelmed. Counting to 10 gives you time to quickly self-reflect, understand the situation and context, and respond in an appropriate manner. In other words, kill them with kindness. So next time you’re feeling a crazy eyed &&$**&%@$*&%@ moment coming on, just count to 10, wooosah, and then respond.
Have you ever been in a situation where the Jefferson strategy would have been useful? What were some of the consequences of your negative reaction?
References
McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect & relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Bedford/St. Martin’s.
