My parents always told me that you have to give in order to receive. The key components to achieving success in a healthy romantic relationship are to carefully evaluate the costs and rewards. Each of the different costs and rewards are what attracts you to someone. You are more drawn to those you feel offer more rewards as opposed to more costs. The goal to having a happy and successful relationship is equity and balance. Here’s a little math for you! REMEMBER: RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION = OUTCOMES- COMPARISON LEVEL (McCornack, 2010). The comparison level is the expectations you believe you should receive in that particular relationship. So, with that said, you want your outcomes to outweigh what you expect. SIMPLE. You want things to be better than expected; we’ve all learned that throughout the years.
For the last twenty-one years of my life, I can honestly say that I have not had any lengthy or serious relationships of my own. But, I have observed other relationships as a third party. From best friends to family members, I have watched relationships develop and crumble. What I’ve learned is that if you measure the costs and rewards you will achieve a perfect balance (McCornack, 2010). Here are a few of the different costs and balance one should understand when it comes to initially starting a relationship.
*Emotional rewards- These are positive feelings of love, warmth and happiness in a relationship. They satisfy the need of safety in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. These are usually what makes or breaks a relationship (Cherry, 2011).
*Emotional costs- These would be the opposite of emotional rewards. These are the negative feelings of love and warmth or lack there of emotional support (McCornack, 2010).
*Social rewards- These rewards are all about engaging in fun activities with that significant other. You finally get to test out that new hiking trail down the street or go on the trip to Texas you two have been talking about (McCornack, 2010).
*Social costs- These are activities each of you do not enjoy and spend too much of your time doing. These activities would include doing taxes, paying the bills or going to work parties. Spending fun time together is what makes the relationship grow, if you don’t spend time doing things you both love you do not grow as a couple together you just grow separately as two different people (McCornack, 2010).
*Instrumental rewards- This would be the basic to a relationship. This is being in the relationship because you love that person and want to be with them. It revolves around equality of task distribution and work distribution (McCornack, 2010).
*Instrumental costs- As opposed to the instrumental rewards this means that relationship is lasting because one feels they are responsible for doing it. This has become more frequently recently with the increase in teenage pregnancies. Many males feel that they must stay in the relationship or even rush to marriage because it is the “right thing to do.” But that is wrong, relationships don’t last that are built because they “have to be” they are built because they “need or want to be”(McCornack, 2010).
*Opportunity rewards- Opportunity rewards are what make relationships last, this is doing something you could not otherwise do if you were not in the relationship. This happens a lot when individuals are given the opportunity in their career to advance. Your relationship is something that should be able to last through this drastic change in your life (McCornack, 2010).
*Opportunity costs- This is giving up something important to you for the success of the relationship. It can range from a career opportunity to relationships with your friends and family. Success of a relationship is all about balance (Cherry, 2011).
Though these relationship objectives may seem simple when written out on a piece of paper, they’re not. You have to balance your work, your friends, your family and your relationship. If one of these costs outweighs its reward, then it may be time for you to step back and reconsider the relationship. Is it worth continuing or do you think you two can work on creating a more balanced relationship for each other?
If you’re in a relationship, have you ever taken into consideration all of these costs and rewards and balanced them to make sure one partner was not over benefitting while the other was under benefitting?
Reference:
Cherry, K. (2011). Hierarchy of needs: Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Retrieved from http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/hierarchyneeds.htm
McCornack, S. (2010). Reflect and relate. New York, New York: Bedford/St. Martins
