Rene Descarte once said, “I think, therefore I am” and though this is very assuring to some, many follow that statement with a question- “but, who am I?”. As any “tween” will tell you, it is very difficult to figure out exactly who you are. Does this perceived difficulty come from being overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, frustration that you aren’t who you used to be, or something entirely different? I know I can’t help with some of those issues, but I can help identify the components of the self, so you at least know where to start.
Three components make up the self, conveniently all begin with “self”: self-awareness, self-concept, and self-esteem.
1.Self-awareness can be defined as “the ability to step outside yourself; to view yourself as a unique person distinct from your surrounding environment, and reflect upon your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (McCornack, 2010, p.40). Self-awareness allows you to judge your actions and interpret them into a personality trait. An important exercise in enhancing interpersonal communication is a sort-of elevated form of self-awareness called “critical self-reflection” when you ask yourself certain questions so you may judge how you can improve.
2.Self-concept is the “overall perception of who you are” (McCornack, 2010, p.41). Self-concept revolves largely around your beliefs about yourself which can be impacted by many factors; some factors being family, culture, and gender. Often, self-concept can shaped by the labels others put on us and how we emotionally respond to these labels. Self-concept is difficult to change because it revolves around the deep-set beliefs, attitudes, and values you hold.
3.Self-esteem is “the overall value that we assign ourselves” (McCornack, 2010, p.43). Self-esteem is the evaluation of self concept because it forces you to ponder how much you are worth. Self-esteem affects relationships, interpersonal skills, and our outlooks on life. The self-discrepancy theory speculates that self-esteem is determined by comparing the ideal self and the ought self. The ideal self being the characteristics you want to posses, and the ought self being who others expect you to be (McCornack, 2010).
As I mentioned before, I believe that questioning one’s self image is most outwardly expressed by teenagers and “tweens.” At their age, their bodies are changing, along with their hormones, so they are at the most active time of self-doubt and self change. As a tween I know I certainly struggled with figuring out who I was everyday. I believe most of my confusion came from being an only child with older parents (in their late 40s and 50s) so I did not have a close family role-model who was a member of my generation. I developed my sense of self by judging others actions and either trying them out for myself or vowing to never act the way they had.
One defining moment I recall from high school was when I realized I identified myself as kind, and not only kind but I was gutsy enough to define myself as the kindest person I knew. This moment happened one day in 10th grade when I forced myself to go to school to help my Latin group finalize a project, even though I had the flu. That morning, despite my fever of 100 degrees, puffy sinuses, and 6 inches of snow of the ground, I woke up early to meet everyone at the library. When I showed up, no one else was there and I quickly found out everyone had individually decided they weren’t needed and could skip the meeting.My resolution to the problem? I told everyone I would do the work so they could take their time getting safely to school, and being the nerd I was, I finished the entire project and dropped it off for grading before the morning bell rang. It was in reflection with my best friend later that day that I realized most other people would go to their teacher complaining that no one else helped and get the group members in trouble in stead of just getting the work done and having concern for others safety. In that moment of comparing myself to others I realized I certainly identified myself as kind. My shock came when my best friend said “Em, you don’t get the credit you deserve because you’re always so nice, it’s basically expected from you.”
My self-awareness was exhibited in reflection on my actions, my self-concept was present in my realization that “kind” is who I am and my self-esteem was boosted by my ought-self and ideal-self being one and the same. I am happy with being a kind person, among many of my other traits that make up my “self.”
A simple display of kindness from early high school….at least I believe it to be. Seriously, how many kids allow their parents to take (and save) a picture of them looking sick and dressed in that horrible chorus uniform?
Discussion:
- Everyone has different ways of realizing pleasing and displeasing traits of themselves. have you ever had a “light bulb” moment like me? Or have you formed your sense of self in another way?
- If you’ve had a “light bulb” moment, are you able to identify the self-awareness, self-concept, and self-esteem factors?
Reference:
-McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal
communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
