A Friend is Someone Who...

No matter what type of friendship you have with another person, each one requires certain maintaining. Being a good friend is not easy and just like a romantic relationship, it requires some work and effort to keep the friendship alive. According to McCormack (2009), we can do this in two ways; by sharing activities and by communicating openly.

Through sharing activities we actively make time in our schedules to spend with friends doing activities together. Whether the activity is a shared hobby (such as going fishing) or simply a leisurely activity (like sitting on the couch watching a movie), by proposing an activity to a friend, you’re showing your willingness and commitment to the friendship and you are therefore maintaining it.

Communicating openly is also imperative to maintaining friendship because self-disclosing to a partner is a major component to any relationship. In order to maintain relationships one has to communicate about his or her life and share their latest updates as to inform the other person on the big changes occurring. Although life may get hectic and schedules may get busy, it is encouraged to at least call your friend and share these exciting details with them; even if it is only a short conversation. Along with sharing your own news, it is important to ask about your friend’s latest news too and convey your interest in the changes occurring in his or her life. By communicating even the tiniest details of your life to friends helps maintain trust. Your friend will see you as a person that they can rely on and come to if they need to share something important or need someone during a difficult time. Similar to sharing activities, by making an effort to create openness in a friendship one is showing commitment to the friendship and an eagerness to maintain the relationship.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it was as simple as just doing these two things? It seems like it should but when you think of all of the responsibilities we have and all of the time we invest in our work and relationships with families and significant others, it is amazing that we have time to work on our friendships at all. Maybe that is why over time some friendships seem to come and go while only a few strong ones in which you invest your time on seem to withstand. We cannot get discouraged by the friendships that may have been lost over the years but rather continue to be devoted to current friendships and actively work to maintain them.

Is sharing activities a more important maintenance strategy than openness or vice versa? Is it possible to maintain a friendship by utilizing one strategy alone? Do certain genders tend to use one strategy more than the other?

References:

McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

3 comments:

I think that communicating openly is an effective strategy by itself, especially if the friendships are long distance. It may be a while until you can see each other, making sharing activities a difficult task, but as long as you keep in frequent contact and maintain open communication I believe it's feasible. Ideally, I would use this strategy alone as a last resort, however, it is something I've had to deal with since my best friends go to college in a different state.

Morgan Seckinger on June 3, 2011 at 3:03 PM

I completely agree with Morgan! I believe being open and keeping that trust alive is the most important way of maintaining a friendship - especially over long distances. But I find that a weekly lunch, or phone call, can also keep the friendship alive, just by investing yourself into that other person. To know someone cares about us and is interested in how we are doing and what we're doing is always so appreciated. I find that talking to friends, whether at a coffee date or over the phone, I feel better, possibly even more self-confident. I believe that both genders use them equally, just in different ways (like Bro Code and Girl Code). Girls might share a bit more than guys do on a REGULAR basis, though.

Rachael on June 4, 2011 at 10:13 AM

I also feel like there is more effort put into keeping your friendships alive. I think both are equally as valuable when comparing sharing activities against openness. However, sharing activities gives you both time together and allows you to talk about subjects. I do not believe it is possible to remain a true friend with someone by just practicing one of these strategies. If you both share activities together but never disclose information with each other, how do you expect to form a friendship bond? I think that females tend to use openness in other words gossip, more than males. They talk about there romantic relationship problems with each other more versus us guys. Although the amount on how much these to strategies are used varies, I think it is important to try and use them both equally.

T.Brannigan on June 5, 2011 at 4:42 PM