This is me looking silly because I wasn't listening when a friend said “smile!”
For anyone in a relationship, the question “yes, I know you’re hearing what I’m saying, but are you LISTENING to me” is commonly thrown around and debated in many arguments. I know I’ve said it and I have no doubt that you have at least thought, if not said, the same thing. Just as with communication, listening is certainly a process- a five-step process!
The five step process of listening involves “receiving, attending to, understanding, responding to, and recalling sounds and visual images during interpersonal encounters” (McCornack 2010, p.152). The first step of receiving involves hearing and seeing visual images or sounds. The second step, attending, is when one devotes attention to the information they’re receiving through hearing or seeing. In the third step, understanding, the receiver interprets the meaning of the sender’s communication by referencing prior knowledge (McCornack 2010). When responding, the fourth step, the receivers communicate their attention and understanding their sender. Finally, during recall, the receiver remembers the information received in communication. These five steps make up the formula for successful listening.
Being someone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), listening is not one of my strong points. Perhaps the best demonstration of the necessity for me to change how well I listen occurred during sophomore year of high school. Not only do I have A.D.H.D. but I am gifted in math and science, so math classes with others who needed repeated examples of concepts lost my attention very quickly. My math teacher understood this about me after a month of school, but that didn’t stop her from having some fun with it. She would often put examples of a concept we had just gone over on the board, and call on random students to answer them. Not to sound pompous, but I would solve all of the problems before the first person was called on and then zone out while others worked through the problems. To improve my listening skills, my teacher would call on me at random, any time during a problem to see if I knew what step we were on or what the answer was. Until I improved my listening skills, my answers to her questions were always wrong unless her questions was “Emma, what’s the answer to #___?”. Once I began to fully listen to what she was saying I was never embarrassed, in that class, again!
The five step process of listening plays a large part in interpersonal communication. The steps of receiving, attending to, understanding, and responding during listening may seem like a lot, but your brain does most of it. In my experience, listening may be more difficult for some, but it is definitely worth the effort to complete all five steps!
Discussion:
What step of listening do you think you have to work the hardest to do?
Has not completing all five steps of listening ever gotten you into trouble?
Reference:
-McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal
communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
