Do you focus solely on verbal communication? Well if so, you may be severely mismanaging your interactions with others. “Your experience of nonverbal communication from others and your nonverbal expression to others is fundamentally fused with the words you and they choose to use. As a consequence, you cannot become a skilled interpersonal communicator by focusing time, effort, and energy only on verbal or only on nonverbal.” (McCornack, 2009, pg. 247) In short, be mindful of all aspects of communication, verbal and nonverbal, if you intend to be a competent communicator.
Ok, so maybe you don’t have that problem. But have you ever had to deal with someone that does? Have you ever had to interact with someone that doesn’t seem to want to follow the societal rules created to regulate and manage routine conversations? If so, I can relate!! I have a co-worker who is incredibly lopsided towards verbal communication during interactions. The imbalance causes her to be completely ignorant to nonverbal cues intended to dictate the progression of the conversation, and it remains consistent no matter the subject or the opposite party. For example, I may nonverbally imply that I’m ready to wrap up the conversation by reducing eye contact, increasing my distance to her, turning my body away from her, or even using a monotone vocal tone. However, I have had luck with her catching the hints. Interactions often drag on well beyond social norms, which lead many of us in the office to devise exit strategies. It sounds extreme, but I’ve heard people describe the situation as “being trapped.” It is not uncommon for us to have to “save” each other when caught in these conversational black holes with (well-timed) phone calls or (fake) urgent assignments that need immediate attention. These measures we take to end the conversation are not intended to be disrespectful, but they are done more so to complete the task of the ineffective nonverbal signals. It’ is unfortunate, because this person is extraordinarily nice, intelligent, and interesting. However, her reputation of not being able to follow the unspoken guidelines of interaction now supersedes her personality.
Ok, so maybe you don’t have that problem. But have you ever had to deal with someone that does? Have you ever had to interact with someone that doesn’t seem to want to follow the societal rules created to regulate and manage routine conversations? If so, I can relate!! I have a co-worker who is incredibly lopsided towards verbal communication during interactions. The imbalance causes her to be completely ignorant to nonverbal cues intended to dictate the progression of the conversation, and it remains consistent no matter the subject or the opposite party. For example, I may nonverbally imply that I’m ready to wrap up the conversation by reducing eye contact, increasing my distance to her, turning my body away from her, or even using a monotone vocal tone. However, I have had luck with her catching the hints. Interactions often drag on well beyond social norms, which lead many of us in the office to devise exit strategies. It sounds extreme, but I’ve heard people describe the situation as “being trapped.” It is not uncommon for us to have to “save” each other when caught in these conversational black holes with (well-timed) phone calls or (fake) urgent assignments that need immediate attention. These measures we take to end the conversation are not intended to be disrespectful, but they are done more so to complete the task of the ineffective nonverbal signals. It’ is unfortunate, because this person is extraordinarily nice, intelligent, and interesting. However, her reputation of not being able to follow the unspoken guidelines of interaction now supersedes her personality.
As a result of my experience, I have become highly sensitive to the use of nonverbal signals during interactions. Nonverbal communication is often used indirectly to augment, and in certain cases to contradict, our verbal communication in order to deliver a message’s meaning (McCornack, 2009). This indirect approach is mainly used out of politeness, since most of us won’t blurt out “I’m getting exhausted from this conversation” when we lose time and interest. Therefore, it would serve us well for everyone to understand the four tips of responsible nonverbal conduct (McCornack, 2009):
• Usually people view your nonverbal communication as at least as important as what you say, if not more so
• Consider the fact that nonverbal communication effectiveness is inextricably tied to culture
• Be sensitive to demands of interpersonal situations
• Remember that verbal communication and nonverbal communication flow with one another
• Usually people view your nonverbal communication as at least as important as what you say, if not more so
• Consider the fact that nonverbal communication effectiveness is inextricably tied to culture
• Be sensitive to demands of interpersonal situations
• Remember that verbal communication and nonverbal communication flow with one another
Should we just expect that everyone will properly learn the etiquette of managing interactions, especially from a nonverbal point of view? What is the proper way to handle a situation in which responsible interaction management is not followed?
References:
McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: an introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s
