What's Your Talking Distance?

Every day we use verbal and nonverbal communication to send messages to receivers. Nonverbal communication helps clarify our verbal message with things such as hand gestures, body movements, touch, and personal space. Holding a conversion with a person from a different culture, I have found that personal space tends to vary. When I say personal space I am talking about proxemics, which is communicating with others with the use of physical distance (McCornack, 2009).

It was a Friday night and I was introduced to a new friend who happened to be from Spain. I took the lead and told her my name followed by a handshake. Afterwards, she went in for a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek. The hug was not a surprise, but the kiss on the cheek caught me off guard. In a greeting it is something I was definitely not accustomed to seeing. We then proceeded with small talk, but she happened to be too close, which forced me to take slight steps backwards. She was clearly invading my personal space.

When communicating with others, there are four talking distances. The first is intimate space, which is from the range of 0 to 18 inches and usually occurs with close relationships. Remember, I just met her and she was in the intimate range which just made me feel uncomfortable. The second is personal space, which ranges from 18 inches to 4 feet and usually happens when you’re talking with friends. The third is social space, which is from the range of 4 to 12 feet and commonly happens in your work environment or when you meet strangers. Finally, we have public space, which is more than 12 feet and usually takes place during a formal lecture or public speech (McCornack, 2009).

We carried on our conversation and I found a way to adjust to the use of space. When we first started to talk, I didn’t think I was going to make a new friend because of the invasion of my personal bubble. But after I adjusted and focused on our conversation, I found myself sharing a lot of the same interest as her. In the end I’ve made a great friend and we’ve found ourselves hanging out.

So remember, the next time you meet a stranger from a different culture and their use of personal space is different, find a way to adjust, because chances are you’re missing out on making a new friend.

Which range do you feel most comfortable with when meeting strangers?

Why do you think North Americans’ personal space tends to be larger than other cultures?

Can you think of another conversational range we use in North America?

References:

McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect & relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication.

Bedford/ St. Martin’s

6 comments:

I think that's pretty cool that you were able to make the adjustment and focus on the conversation instead of the space issue. I don't think a lot of people would have been able to do that right away in the moment. North Americans could sometimes come across as "aloof" because of our more explicit need for personal space so maybe that's why we feel we need the bigger space between one another.

Morgan Seckinger on June 3, 2011 at 5:05 PM

When I went to England last summer, I noticed after living there for a month, the differences in people's perception of personal space. When walking around in London, you could always tell the Americans or the foreigners apart from the people who lived there. On the sidewalks, they always left a lot of room around them, didn't crowd in, and even walked on the road to avoid the 'personal space' bubble. I think North American's do have a large personal space, since we aren't as used to crowding as other countries, and we are also more independent. But then I walk into a new cast for a musical, and we are all in each other's personal spaces immediately, even as strangers. In theatre, we are outgoing and accepting, which makes it more acceptable to be closer to each other at the initial meeting. It sounds strange I know, but I've even been hugged multiple times when just meeting another theatre major. I have gotten used to that, but I am mindful that other people aren't as used to that in the outside world, and find myself changing my spatial awareness to adapt to what I think the other person would be comfortable with.

Rachael on June 4, 2011 at 10:23 AM

Aside from international rules for personal space, we have a lot of different expectations in the U.S. We allow others to enter our intimate space, for example, when we ride the subway in New York. In the south, it's more acceptable to let people invade your personal space with a huge hug, even when you're just meeting them for the first time. Even within our own American culture, it can be difficult to get on the same page about personal space.

Brittany on June 4, 2011 at 2:02 PM

I have to say that when I meet someone for the first time I typically am most comfortable in the social space. As Americans I feel that we have a much more individualistic culture than other countries such as European ones. We value our independence and thrive on it therefore creating a larger personal space and our "personal bubble". It is interesting as Brittany said though, that we sometimes contradict these norms and do not find it weird to allow strangers in our space such as when on the subway. Of course you will notice in these situations that many people are forced into these awkward small spaces and either won't face eachother or will avert eye contact by looking up or reading to reduce the awkwardness that naturally seems to occur when our "bubble" is invaded.

Jamie on June 5, 2011 at 10:13 AM

When I'm meeting strangers I honestly don't feel like I need a whole bunch of space. I usually just give them the same kind of space that I would a friend, but I have noticed my friends from other cultures definitely have a different concept of personal space. One of my friends from high school was from South America and he was a lot more "in your face" and had much more physical contact when greeting people because his family maintained the customs of his culture from his native country.

conorw90 on June 5, 2011 at 9:03 PM

I think I feel comfortable meeting strangers in 18 inches to 4 feet. It is interesting however that many Americans feel like they need more distance than other countries. I also spent a semester in London and noticed the same thing Morgan did. I thought Americans didn't like to be near each other but British people REALLY don't. I was always called out immediately for being American before I even spoke sometimes.

Casey Edwards on June 6, 2011 at 10:19 AM