Who wears the pants in this relationship? Is it the lion, or the lioness? Power, and its affect on conflict interactions, is ever-present and an integral part of every relationship. We can experience power symmetrically (balanced) or complementary (unbalanced), and people have different beliefs about the degree of balance that’s appropriate (McCornack 2009). Also, power doesn’t necessarily have to be good or bad. However, how we use our power, and how we perceive how other’s use their power, may have a defining impact on our relationships.
I have a friend who recently entered into a new intimate relationship. This friend was an independent, lively, energetic person who held many interests. We considered him somewhat of a renaissance man due to his variety of hobbies and activities. Constantly he was collecting knowledge on “do it yourself” projects, travelling to different cultures, and involving himself in a variety of social activities. But then he fell in love and everything changed! We slowly began to experience his transformation from an extrovert to an introvert. No longer was he involving himself in the extracurricular activities he seemed to love so dearly. His interests shifted from “the sky is the limit” to “whatever she wants to do is fine by me”. From an outsider’s perspective, the influence of power was tilted heavily towards his new significant other, which was resulting in his tactic of conflict avoidance. In other words, she was calling the shots, and he was willing to accommodate her requests at the expense of his own self-interests.
According to McCornack (2009), power is granted, it influences conflicts, and it is acquired through power currency. Granted power refers to power given to one person by another, as opposed to power being an innate quality. In the case of my friend, he is willing to grant full control of his relationship and schedule over to his new girlfriend. Power is now relinquished to her to make decisions as to what activities he will now take part in. Power also affects conflict through the imbalance of influence and resources in a relationship. These influences and resources may be determined by the power currency valued in the relationship. The balance of power in my friend’s situation leans towards his significant other because she possesses something that he values. It is difficult to determine the type of power currency she holds over him, but may be one or more of the five common currencies found in relationships (McCornack 2009):
· Resource Currency-material things such as money or property
· Expertise Currency-special skills or knowledge
· Social Network Currency-links with a network of friends, family, and acquaintances
· Personal Currency-personal characteristics such as physical beauty or intelligence
· Intimacy Currency-sharing of a close bond
· Expertise Currency-special skills or knowledge
· Social Network Currency-links with a network of friends, family, and acquaintances
· Personal Currency-personal characteristics such as physical beauty or intelligence
· Intimacy Currency-sharing of a close bond
As a result, his conflict interaction is far from collaborative. In the opinion of many of his family and friends, the power structure in this relationship is causing the suppression his true personality.
If someone is willing to grant power to another, should we be upset that action led to an imbalance of power? Is it our place to point out how he has changed due to the imbalance of power?
References:McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: an introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s
