For example, I recently witnessed a co-worker dealing with the emotional stress of managing his sadness due to the unexpected loss of his mother. As it seems to be the case in these types of situations, I could sense the suppression of the emotion he was truly experiencing. He is normally a very expressive, extroverted individual who you can always count on to provide lively and open conversation. However, in the days after the loss, he retreated into his office and closed his door to a mere crack. This action was an obvious hint that he was present (physically but not mentally), and he was definitely not interested in sparking interaction. When the occasional interaction did occur, he became almost robotic in his responses. He would systematically go through the motions of talking about preparations for the service, closing open accounts, and dealing with the family estate. However, direct questions regarding feelings and emotions would immediately be deflected back to one of these non-emotional topics. This dramatic change of behavior was creating an emotional barrier to help him keep the sadness out. Although the suppression is understandable, the blocking out of the pain doesn’t actually address the problem. How could I have broken through to help him manage his sadness appropriately?

First, let us understand the approach to emotional management our friend and co-worker was utilizing. It is apparent that his behavioral changes were specific strategies employed for the purpose of preventing emotions; strategies such as encounter avoidance, which refers to staying away from people who will provoke emotions, encounter structuring, which refers to avoiding specific topics that will provoke emotions, and attention focus, which refers to intentionally focusing on aspects that will not provoke emotions (McCornack, 2009). By understanding his perspective, it is clear that questions like “How are you holding up?” will ultimately lead to one of these prevention strategies mentioned. Instead, a better tactic would be discussing your own personal shared experience with grief, called emotional-sharing (McCornack, 2009). The empathy shared by those who went through similar situations reinforces that he is not alone in his sadness. Others have felt has he does now, and have successfully managed their way to better times.

In my life, I have not experienced a saddening event as substantial as that of my co-worker. However, I understand that the loss of someone close to me is inevitable. When that time comes, I will rely on the shared emotions of others in my support group to help comfort the sadness. Will you rely on others, or do you think it is best to manage grief alone and let time heal all wounds?


References:McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: an introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s