Grief. It is such a small word that represents such an all-encompassing emotion that most of us have either felt first hand or have watched someone close to us go through. It’s an awful emotion and unfortunately as McCornack (2009) says, there is no magic pill that can erase the pain of losing a loved one.
According to McCornack(2009) we cannot have long-term relationships with another person without experiencing the loss of someone close to us. This loss can either be through death, illness, separation, divorce, or some other event. And unlike some other emotions that only stay with us for a fleeting moment, grief often stays with us for a long time and can be continually triggered by experiences that remind us of the person we lost. The key way to manage one’s grief is through emotion-sharing; talking about your grief with loved ones or others who are experiencing or have experienced a similar pain.
It can also be difficult for friends and loved ones to watch a person that they care about go through the grieving process. We want so much to help them, to say just the right thing that might ease their pain for a moment, but what is that exactly? How do we react around that person? What if we say the wrong thing?
The best thing to do to help others manage their grief is to engage in supportive communication. When you see a loved one experiencing grief, sometimes their first inclination is to suppress their feelings and hold their pain inside. This can be detrimental and cause future stress-related problems. It may sound cliché, but sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone is to simply be there for them. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, supportive communication involves exactly as its title says; support for the person experiencing grief. Expressing your willingness to help the person can make the biggest difference and may help that person realize that they are not alone.
I can remember being 13 years old and witnessing grief first hand. In a matter of one week, my best friend lost her father, another close friend lost her sister, and my family lost a close relative. It seemed as if death was all around me and at 13 I had no idea how to react to such situations or help those I cared about. I can still remember going to my one friend’s house who had just lost her sister. At the time it seemed as if I was doing the traditional things done when someone you know was going through grief; I went to their house to “express my condolences”, brought a dish of some sort for them to eat, and simply listened as the family talked about the loss they were experiencing. As I was leaving and saying my goodbyes, my friend’s mom gave me a hug and began to cry as she thanked me for stopping by. She told me how much it meant to her that I came to show my support and how it helped to have someone listen. To me, my actions felt insignificant and I wished so much to do something more, but to my friends mom who was experiencing one of the worst losses a parent can experience I was providing comfort and support.
Grief is not an easy situation for either the person feeling the pain of losing a loved one or the person on the outside wishing to offer comfort. There is no “quick fix” and when approaching grief both the griever and the person offering help must know this. Just as I experienced when I was 13, sometimes all we can do is offer a shoulder to cry on and convey to that person experiencing loss that they have the support of those who love them.
Is there such a thing as too much support when helping another deal with grief? If so what actions are considered appropriate to help another manage grief and what actions are considered inappropriate?
References:
· McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
