“Are you even listening to what I’m saying?”
Apparently, he could hear me; he responded with an ‘mhm’ as he turned the volume up during one of the endless MBA championship games. However, he wasn’t really listening. My boyfriend and I were enjoying some couch time when his finger – glued to the channel button – stumbled across this game, a sports-related time slot we would end up watching for the fourth night in a row. I became frustrated that after about two minutes of watching the game, he wasn’t even able to hold a conversation with me because he was giving ALL of his attention to two teams of sweaty men running up and down the court chasing a basketball. We both work long hours and the only real quality time we get is at night on the sofa, or a rare – practically extinct – night out at a restaurant. I was unhappy that for several nights in a row this was all we did. I don’t mind sports, but it’s so frustrating to have conversations with myself because he’s only half listening to what I’m saying. I know he can hear my voice, but I know he is not truly listening to the words I’m saying.
Finally, I went into a rant about all of the above. And….he turns the volume up on the TV and gives me a weak ‘mhm’ . So, I picked up my book and started to read. He never noticed until half-time came around, when I ignored his request for the bag of twizzlers sitting on the kitchen counter. Take that.
This story is a great example of what McCornack (2009) calls pseudo-listening. My boyfriend was acting, perhaps pretending, like he was listening, and he did indeed hear what I was saying. However, he was ineffective in understanding what I was communicating because he wasn’t really paying attention to the words. This type of listening is extremely ineffective because people may believe that their target of communication is really hearing and understanding what they’re saying, because they show some signs of active listening, but in actuality, they only absorb part of – or sometimes none of – the message (McCornack, 2009).
After half-time, I resolved to make sure that my boyfriend was truly engaging the conversation through effective listening, by asking him to repeat what I was asking or saying. It actually was quite effective in getting him to see that before, he was merely giving me half-hearted responses to sentences he barely even heard. I explained that it hurt my feelings when he participated in this pseudo-listening, because it communicated to me that he simply didn’t care what I had to say. Now, I think he is a bit more aware of our conversations and listens to me more effectively. And, the next game scheduled in the championship will have to watch itself; he’s taking me out to dinner to make up for a week of endless sports boredom! J
When have you experienced someone ineffectively listening through pseudo-listening?
How did it make you feel?
How did you remedy the situation?
Apparently, he could hear me; he responded with an ‘mhm’ as he turned the volume up during one of the endless MBA championship games. However, he wasn’t really listening. My boyfriend and I were enjoying some couch time when his finger – glued to the channel button – stumbled across this game, a sports-related time slot we would end up watching for the fourth night in a row. I became frustrated that after about two minutes of watching the game, he wasn’t even able to hold a conversation with me because he was giving ALL of his attention to two teams of sweaty men running up and down the court chasing a basketball. We both work long hours and the only real quality time we get is at night on the sofa, or a rare – practically extinct – night out at a restaurant. I was unhappy that for several nights in a row this was all we did. I don’t mind sports, but it’s so frustrating to have conversations with myself because he’s only half listening to what I’m saying. I know he can hear my voice, but I know he is not truly listening to the words I’m saying.
Finally, I went into a rant about all of the above. And….he turns the volume up on the TV and gives me a weak ‘mhm’ . So, I picked up my book and started to read. He never noticed until half-time came around, when I ignored his request for the bag of twizzlers sitting on the kitchen counter. Take that.
This story is a great example of what McCornack (2009) calls pseudo-listening. My boyfriend was acting, perhaps pretending, like he was listening, and he did indeed hear what I was saying. However, he was ineffective in understanding what I was communicating because he wasn’t really paying attention to the words. This type of listening is extremely ineffective because people may believe that their target of communication is really hearing and understanding what they’re saying, because they show some signs of active listening, but in actuality, they only absorb part of – or sometimes none of – the message (McCornack, 2009).
After half-time, I resolved to make sure that my boyfriend was truly engaging the conversation through effective listening, by asking him to repeat what I was asking or saying. It actually was quite effective in getting him to see that before, he was merely giving me half-hearted responses to sentences he barely even heard. I explained that it hurt my feelings when he participated in this pseudo-listening, because it communicated to me that he simply didn’t care what I had to say. Now, I think he is a bit more aware of our conversations and listens to me more effectively. And, the next game scheduled in the championship will have to watch itself; he’s taking me out to dinner to make up for a week of endless sports boredom! J
When have you experienced someone ineffectively listening through pseudo-listening?
How did it make you feel?
How did you remedy the situation?
