When you hear the word “family,” what’s the first image that pops into your head? For me, it’s a picture from Leave it to Beaver; an iconic television show depicting a suburban family consisting of two married parents and their two all American sons. But let’s face it, this isn’t the 1950’s and I’ve never seen my mom vacuum in her pearls, so just how realistic is this image to modern families today? The truth is, families come in all shapes and sizes and members do not necessarily have to be biologically related to one another. McCornack (2009) references the definition of family as a group of individuals who create and sustain a common identity, emotional ties, and communication boundaries through how they relate to each other and to others around them. A family is also defined when the individuals share a history together or plans on sharing in their futures (Fitzpatrick & Bazinski, 1994; Turner & West, 1998). This definition encompasses far more than the stereotypical nuclear family as seen in Leave it to Beaver.
Five distinct characteristics separate a family from any other social group. The first is a sense of a unified family identity that is achieved through interpersonal communication. The way you interact with your family, both verbally and nonverbally, varies from your interactions with most others and builds into a family identity. The second is the intense emotional bonds that tie family members together. Because our communication with family members begins in our first stages of life, these bonds are exceptionally important to us; a fact that is demonstrated when we achieve important milestones in our life like graduating or getting a new job. These ties lead us to celebrate the milestones and support one another. The next characteristic deals with our definition of boundaries. The communication boundaries that families create help to distinguish members from outsiders and also distinguish each family member’s role within the unit. As mentioned previously, families also share a history together. This history is often extensive and helps to shape the identity of the family even further. You’ve probably heard your parents reference your ancestors in conversations every now and then. For instance, my mom has always said that ours were “the most spirited Protestants in Georgia.” The last characteristic of a family is what seems to be the most obvious. Families usually share some of the same genetic materials. As gene research develops more and more, traits are being linked through genetics besides physical characteristics, including personality traits (McCornack 2009).
While all of these characteristics apply to my biological family, they also extend to my closest friends (ok we don’t have the same genes but I did say usually in that characteristic). The way we communicate with each other, our ties emotionally, the way we interact; everything adds up to make my second family. I know that when a milestone comes up in my life, they’ll be there along with my biological family to help celebrate and they know I’ll always be there for theirs. So while it’s not Leave it to Beaver, it’s still my family.
Do you think there are other characteristics that make up a family?
References:
- McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
