We’ve all been in those situations when we were younger: a bully kicked our blocks or pulled our hair. When I was in kindergarten, there was a second grade boy who always picked on my best friend Samantha and I. Our moms just insisted he was flirting with us and had a crush, but we just thought he was plain mean. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized the difference between power and conflict and interpersonal relationships. Power distance has two types, high and low power-distance cultures. My kindergarten classroom would be best represented as a high power-distance culture. “Individuals are normal and considered desirable for people of different social and professional status to be widely separated for different social and professional status” (McCornack, 2009). The second grader felt that since he was older than us he had more power over us. Though he was not directed to be more powerful there was an unwritten rule that second and first graders at my elementary school were higher than us kindergarteners.
Have you ever had someone make you feel as if you were a lower power than them even though there were rules that didn’t officially state they were?
Though conflict is common in many different interpersonal relationships it is more commonly seen in romantic relationships. According to Steve Duck, there is a process in which individuals go through when communicating their dissatisfaction with the currently relationship.
Phase 1: The Intrapsychic Phase- This phase involves reflecting about negative aspects of the relationship and discussing them with the partner. Individuals may think, “I can’t take this anymore”(Duck, 1982).
Phase 2: Dyadic Phase- This phase communication about thoughts and feelings increases and individuals increase negotiation and reconciling differences. Commonly seen are fights, arguments and long discussions about the problems. Individuals may think, “I’d justified in withdrawing”(Duck, 1982).
Phase 3: Social Phase- This phase individuals begin talking to social networks or investigating alternatives. Individuals may think, “I mean it ”(Duck, 1982).
Phase 4: Grave Dressing Phase- In this phase individuals know there is no possibility of change. Individuals begin dividing properties and justifying what went wrong in the relationship. Individuals may think, “It’s now inevitable”(Duck, 1982).
Remember, if an individual possesses too much power, it may lead to conflict. Conflict is normal in a relationship but you must understand when conflict has escalated and you need to reconsider the level of the relationship. Conflict can be good for a relationship just because you and someone else may have a fight doesn’t mean you should cut ties to the relationship; it may mean you just need to reconsider some of you own actions.
References:
Duck, S. W. (1982). "A Topography of Relationship Disengagement and Dissolution." In Personal Relationships 4: Dissolving Personal Relationships, ed. S. W. Duck. London: Academic Press.
McCornack, S. (2010). Reflect and relate. New York, New York: Bedford/St. Martins
