The norm of relationships and dating has changed dramatically over the years. Generations before now, the term “hook up” or “we’re together” were not as commonly used as they are today. With the process of long-term relationship development different from the past, the term “casual sex” has become a common word for high school students to young and middle age adults (Paul, Hayes 2002). Sex is a topic that is discussed numerous times within a relationship. When is the perfect time to have sex in the relationship? Will it be a turning point in the relationship or will it just diminish the relationship all together?
In casual sex relationships (like a friends with benefits situation), sex IS the focal point of the friendship. The individuals are engaging in these relationships solely for the benefits of sexual pleasure. If you’re vulnerable to love, then a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship is probably not a good idea. For those of you who want to give it a whirl, there are a few rules for FWB relationships as explained by Morris, Hughes, and Asada (2005):
1. Do not call the day after sexual intercourse. This allows for the relationship to be at a solely sexual level. Calling may show some clinginess and need for more of a emotional attachment (See Rule #4).
2. Do not expect any emotional attachment. You two are just friends who have sex; you will not become anything more (McCornack, 2009).
3. Do not sweat the small stuff. If he doesn’t contact you for a few days or if she is acting weird, blow it off. You allowed yourself to be apart of this non-monogamous relationship.
4. DO NOT BECOME TERRITORIAL. Again, you are not in a relationship. If you become territorial, things will likely become sour. You may even ruin the friendship that was there prior to sex.
5. Avoid FWB relationships with close friends. You never know the outcome of the relationship. It may just ruin the lifetime friendship you two have had (Morris, Hughes, & Asada, 2005).
6. “Understand your relationship will never be the same again. There’s something about seeing another person naked that changes everything. If you value your relationship platonically, be leery of taking it in another direction. Biologically, sex educes hormones in women that creates a sense of happiness and loyalty that can manifest into emotional attachment. Biologically for men, sex educes hormones that put them to sleep”
7. Lastly, stick to the rules you set. If you get side tracked, things will get worse and blown out of proportion.
Friends with benefits has become a common type of relationship that is very popular in today’s culture. From movies like “No Strings Attached” to episodes of Sex in the City, casual sex is something seen more frequently in American society. Though, it may seem like a good idea, FWB also has a high failure rate. So, be patient when it comes to deciding to engage in this type of friendship. Friends with benefits may seem like a good idea at the time, but remember most of the time it ends up causing more emotional turmoil than it may be worth (McCornack, 2010).
Do you think that FWB is acceptable past the college years?
Reference:
McCornack, S. (2010). Reflect and relate. New York, New York: Bedford/St. Martin
Morrison, K., Hughes, M., & Asada, K. J. (2005). What's love got to do with it? exploring the impact of maintenance rules, love attitudes, and network support on friends with benefits relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 69(1)
Paul, E., & Hayes, K. (2002). The casualties of 'casual' sex: a qualitative exploration of the phenomenology of college students' hookups. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 19
