As humans, we come into the world with very little indication of the kind of person we’re going to be. We’re born with no awareness, no judgment, no ability to make distinctions between what’s good or bad, what’s likeable or not, who we should or shouldn’t be. We are given, however, certain predispositions to traits like a calm temperament or low sensitivity. But how do we acquire them? Are these inherent traits? Or are they learned? The answer isn’t conclusive. We are very much so the product of infinite environmental influences. Experts guess that about 50% of a person’s personality is inborn (McCrae at al., 2000; Rothbart, Ahadi, & Evans, 2000). This means that 50% of the influences that guide and shape the development of our personal identities are biologically intrinsic; these influences include gender, family and cultural heritage.

I grew up in a very close, tight-knit family. We fought, we loved and we cried- a lot. I remember being in elementary school, when a girl I swore would be my best friend forever and all eternity told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore and ran off to play kickball with a schoolyard rival. I was devastated. I was crushed. I came home wailing in a hugely dramatic tsunami of tears, wondering why I couldn’t just get a grip already. My mother, scooping my wild curls out of my face, simply told me, “Brittany we can’t help being emotional, we’re Cuban.” What? How does that make sense? So I’m destined to cry all the time cause my mother’s an immigrant? Well that’s unfair.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that I was born into a very particular culture. My family, Cuban and proud, was the product of years and years, generations and generations of cry babies. Our heritage embraces emotion; we see heightened emotion as the most genuine and honest form of expression a person could use. Crying, yelling, hugging- they all are indications that we feel something, strongly, toward a person or situation. What better way to know you are loved than realizing just how deeply emotional a person can get about you?

I was born into an environment that embraced certain qualities and rejected others. I was influenced, as we all are, in innumerable ways by the heritage my family derives from. Our food preferences, our beliefs about religion, our value systems are all learned through exposure to all the cultures we belong to. Culture, however, does not only describe a person’s ethnicity. Culture could be defined as an established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values and practices shared by a large group of people (Keesing, 1974). According to this definition, a culture could be defined by nearly anything: sexual orientation, age, religion, etc. This means we belong to multiple cultures at the time, and furthermore, some cultures may clash. For example, your religion may discourage pre-marital sex, while your age group condones it. We then have to pick and choose which aspects of which cultures we want to align ourselves with.

Lucky for me, my family still loved me despite my outrageous crying outbursts. I was raised by two parents who, though probably thoroughly annoyed by me, still remained phenomenal role models in their unlimited capacity for understanding and forgiveness, their tenderness and their wisdom. These values were important to me as a child and remain intrinsic parts of my being to this day. In short, my parents ingrained these personality traits in me from the second I came into the world; my familial relationships established another realm of my personal identity.

Perhaps we do not realize how formative our childhood years are. When we begin to become self-aware, we look for signs that guide us into our own individuality. We develop self-concepts. As we grow, the people who raise us purposely and accidentally teach us values, attitudes and beliefs about the world and about ourselves. Moreover, the way we relate to our caregivers establish the blueprints for the way we treat all interpersonal relationships in the future.

There are two dimensions of attachment that guide our relationships. The first is attachment anxiety; this dimension has to do with fearing rejection. People who are high in attachment anxiety may feel unworthy or unlovable, while people who experience low attachment anxiety are confident and comfortable with attention. A child could develop anywhere on the spectrum depending on the amount of love, support and affection he/she received from caregivers. The more love, support and affection, the lower the anxiety and vice versa. The second dimension is attachment avoidance, which could be described as a person’s willingness to form close, intimate relationships. High attachment avoidant personalities typically do not desire or prioritize close relationships and may prefer solitude. People who experience low attachment avoidant, though, crave intimacy and interdependence. Once again, the more love, support and affection, the lower the attachment avoidance and vice versa (Collins & Feeney, 2004; Crowell, Fraley, & Shaver, 1999).

These two dimensions lead to four attachment styles: secure attachment, preoccupied attachment, dismissive attachment and fearful attachment. Secure attachment involves both low attachment anxiety and low attachment avoidance. Preoccupied attachment includes high attachment anxiety and low attachment avoidance. Dismissive attachment involves low anxiety, but high avoidance. Finally, fearful attachment includes both high anxiety and high avoidance (Collins & Feeney, 2004).

Aside from culture and family, we are also informed by gender. Gender, mind you, is not synonymous with sex. Gender is learned, while sex is biological. While my mother taught me to “cry it out,” my brothers were raised to be sturdy shoulders to cry on. We are taught, socially, culturally and psychologically, to identify as either male or female, and to then subscribe to the appropriate set of traits. Girls are taught to be sensitive, emotional and nurturing, while boys are taught to be competitive, assertive and brave.

Through all these influences, I eventually grew into the person here writing this essay today. A Cuban. A girl. A Diaz. But I am much more than all of these things. At the end of the day I am left wondering, now that I am on my own, separated from my family’s influences, how much of my personality is my choice? How much is yours? Feel free to respond with a story or opinion about how autonomous you believe you are in the choices you make and opinions you have, as they relate to “who you are.”

References:

· Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2004) An attachment theory perspective on closeness and intimacy. In D. J. Mashek & A. Aron (Eds.) Handbook of closeness and intimacy (pp. 163-187). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

· Crowell, J. A., Fraley, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (1999). Measurement of individual differences in adolescent and adult attachment. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.) Handbook of attachment: Theory, research and clinical applications (pp. 434-465). New York: Guilford Press.

· Keesing, R. M. (1974). Theories of culture. Annual Review of Anthropology, 3, 73-79.

· McCrae, R. R., Costa, P. T., Jr., Ostendorf, F., Angleleitner, A., Hrebickova, M., Avia, M. D., et al. (2000). Nature over nurture: Temperament, personality, and life span development. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 173-186.

· Rothbart, M. K., Ahadi, S. A., & Evans, D. E. (2000). Temperament and personality: Origins and outcomes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 122-135.