How many times have you sent a text that was taken the wrong way or sent an e-mail that others felt had a different tone than you had expected? More than likely, every person has experienced this type of situation in one way or another. And although you may not realize it, all of these situations fall under the category of interpersonal communication.
When thinking about interpersonal communication, most people picture a face-to-face interaction. However, with the changes that have come in technology, this is no longer always true. The fact that many of our interpersonal reactions occur online only further reinforces the fact that interpersonal communication is a dynamic process, meaning, it is constantly changing. No conversation will ever be the same. As humans, we constantly have different thoughts and feelings that, even though we don’t always realize it, change these interactions. Not only will conversations be different, but your feelings toward another person during interactions can change at a moment’s notice.
As college students, it’s safe to say that the majority of our time is spent with our friends. Whether it’s hanging around your apartment, or out at night, you are constantly surrounded by others. Because of this, the people who you choose to hang out with get to know you extremely well. When thinking about interpersonal communication and its ability to constantly change, I was reminded of my group of friends. Like most people, we tease each other almost all of the time. Each person in our group has certain things they get teased about, and most times, it’s all in good fun. The majority of the time, everyone takes it the way it was intended. But there are many instances, myself included, that something another person says everyday gets taken the wrong way. It’s interesting to look at this type of situation from an interpersonal communication viewpoint. More times than not, at least in my experience, this isn’t a sender problem, it’s a problem on the receiver’s end. Maybe that day the receiver is in a bad mood, going through something personal, or even just feeling a little bit insecure. Any one or a combination of these things can lead to a negative reaction to a joke that you generally laugh at most days at most days.
Another important aspect interpersonal communication is your own ethics; defined by McCornack (2007) as an inner code of morals that each person possesses. Ethics are meant to help guide us in our daily life by acting in ways that each individual thinks is right. According to McCornack (2007), engaging in ethical interpersonal communication means to not hurt others on purpose, give others respect, and not demean them. While this seems simple enough, each of these often gets lost in everyday conversation.
Unfortunately, a place where I have witnessed a lot of these ethics being lost are during internships. I have had, along with many of my friends, a few internships that for the most part, are extremely beneficial. However, in my experience there is always that one person who treats the intern like a punching bag. Whether it’s being ordered to do ridiculous tasks (one time went to Victoria’s Secret for an office manager…and then was instructed to pick out the paint for her apartment) or being yelled at for not doing something perfectly, sometimes you never know what the right thing is when you’re an intern. I remember vividly in my first internship being chewed out for something and then half an hour later that same person acting as if nothing had happened. To me, this violates interpersonal communication ethics on many levels. These types of situations often made me feel a lack of self-confidence, which sometimes only worsened the problem. Even though in the back of my head, I knew it was because they had not fully communicated what they wanted to me, it definitely felt like I was being intentionally hurt.
Are there any other types of situations where you have felt like people did not use ethics when communicating?
Interpersonal communication is clearly more complex than one may originally think. Whether it’s the medium you chose to communicate through, the constant change of emotion, or the use of ethics when interpersonally communicating, thought must be given to each interaction. The old saying “think before you speak” truly holds here, because once you let those words come out of your mouth, you can’t take them back.
Reference:
- McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.
