It all started when I asked my wife where she wanted to eat. Sounds relatively simple doesn’t it? Maybe to the average man, but to the average woman, it was a powder keg waiting to explode! Let me set the stage:
My immediate family consists of my wife of 30 years, a 24 year old daughter and my 21 year old son. Anyone reading this would automatically conjure up an image of a typical American family consisting of a mother, father, daughter and son. So far so good! Well there’s more! I would be remiss if I did not mention the fact that my family is a bit on the quirky side. And I do mean quirky. But, I digress because the focus of this story is to talk about communication and how it differs between men and women.
In my family, the typical birthday celebration includes the birthday person selecting the restaurant of his or her choice. Once the place is selected, the entire family goes there to eat regardless of whether or not they like the chosen cuisine. It’s just understood that the birthday person makes the choice. Okie dokie then! Enough said, right! WRONG!
It was a cold November day and my wife, Margaret, was celebrating her birthday. I would say which birthday, but there is the fear that this blog may catch her eye so I will play it safe and remain quite about her age even though her twin brother is 52. Um!
When Margaret arrived home, Briana, our daughter and Phillip, aka, Reggie our son, along with me, cheerfully greeted her with the traditional birthday song. I, in all of my infinite wisdom and being a man said, “Margaret, where do you want to eat on your birthday?” Simple enough question right! Wrong AGAIN! She spun around and lightly whispered in a barely audible tone the words “I don’t care!” Well, I tell you what, the kids quickly began rambling off their number one choices while my wife stared quizzically out into space. Once again, I uttered, “Margaret! Where do you want to eat? You can’t say, ‘I don’t care’ because the first time we select someplace, you’ll say that you don’t want to go there. Now, for the LAST time, WHERE do you want to eat?”
I don’t know what happened, but for a quick moment, everything started to move in slow motion. I kid you not! I looked up and my two kids were looking at me as if to say, “Now you’ve gone and done IT!” Done what? All I did was ask a simple question.
Brie and Phillip’s eyes darted back and forth and suddenly I heard a screeching sound coming out of my wife’s mouth. At first the words were unintelligible, but the longer I listened, the more they began to make sense. Margaret began shouting, “I told you I don’t care. Why do you keep asking me the same question? You know what I like!” Well, if that doesn’t say it all, I don’t know what does! Yes, I may know what she likes, but I am not a mind reader. I can’t assume from day to day what my wife likes, because it changes. She has to communicate with me and it must be straightforward.
Unlike women, men need to know the bottom line. Women tend to get drawn into the realm of assuming men can read their minds. Well let me tell you: I’m not a mind reader! Healthy interactions must have direct messages conveyed through direct channels. Effective communication plays a vital role in the development of the whole person.
Communication skills are needed to form the basis for any type of relationship (Livestrong.com, 2011). Not only are these skills imperative for establishing and maintaining relationships, but they must be developed properly. According to the National Communication Association, the ability to communicate is formed during conception. It is after birth that babies learn verbal skills such as speaking and nonverbal skills such as discerning and emulating facial expressions by watching and interacting with others (Livestrong.com, 2011).
In Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Gray (1992) talks about how men and women communicate differently. Gray (1992) surmises that men withdraw when confronted with major issues, whereas women want to talk about issues. This is akin to recognizing gender differences and embracing these differences so a connection can be made. If the communication is not authentic, the relationship suffers.
Looking back at the birthday debacle and reading Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, I have a better understanding and appreciation for the gender differences. Now, I can’t say that all is well on the communication front, but I can say, I think twice before asking, “Where do you want to eat?”
Why is it important for people to be able to communicate effectively with one another?
References:
- Gray, J. (1992). Men are from mars, women from venus. HarperCollins.
- What is verbal and nonverbal communication (n.d.) .retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/128422-verbal-nonverbal-communication/
